Tag Archives: marriage

Should I Leave My Marriage? – The BEST Relationship Advice I Received {Video – 3 Min Share}

This raw, unscripted and uncensored and may just give you the breakthrough you are seeking.

When our marriage was pretty much on the rocks and I was complaining to a business mentor about my husband, this mentor gave me THE BEST relationship advice ever!

I had literally NEVER considered this before, and it made a TON of difference in my life and my marriage. 

Watch the quick video here to learn the best relationship advice ever…And Ian shares what he was thinking at the same too!

What’s the best relationship advice you ever received??

Post it in The Rich Life Secrets now  or join the discussion on our Instagram @theincomeandintimacyequation.

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Much love,

Shasta Townsend + Ian Lavalley, Income + Intimacy Success Mentors

www.shastatownsend.com

 P.S. Again, for the FAST TRACK to relationship success GET IT BEFORE IT IS GONE  >>>>The One-Hour Relationship Breakthrough Masterclass The Fastest Way to Create Connection, Even If Your Partner Refuses to Change  

P.P.S. Have a friend that could benefit for a fresh perspective on love and relationship?  Please share this with them. 

Love and Law of Attraction – Using Universal Laws to Create Miracles In Your Marriage

If you have heard of Law of Attraction or know even a little bit about Quantum Physics or metaphysics, you know that what is showing up in your reality is responding to your state of being…even your husband.

The Law of Attraction states that every positive or negative event that happened to you was attract by you. You may have attracted it with intention or you may have attracted it unconsciously, but you attracted or created it all the same.

You might be saying: “Shasta, I would not ask for the type of jerk face behavior I am getting from my husband.”

Of course consciously you would not ask for this but you have a STORY or a set of beliefs about your husband that is causing him to show up exactly as you expect. You are emitting a certain signal just like a radio tower and you can’t get anything back but that same signal. But when change our story or our signal, our attraction point changes, this means our reality changes. If you understand this, your reality including your relationship reality shifts and FAST! I did the very same in my relationship and literally went from near divorce to deep connection and healing in a very short time.

You might be saying: “Shasta, I would not ask for the type of jerk face behavior I am getting from my husband.” Of course consciously you would not ask for this but you have a STORY or a set of beliefs about your husband that is causing him to show up exactly as you expect.

 

So here are three simple steps that you can take right now and start using the Law of Attraction effectively in your relationship.Make these steps apart of your new daily dedication and get ready for all the positive changes that are about to come your way. You might even feel it is miraculous.

  1. Understand Law of Attraction and Accept That It Can Work For You Or Against You By How You BE

Accept that you are creating your reality – that Law of Attraction is bringing you exactly what you are asking for, even unconsciously. Moreover, accept and understand that Law of Attraction is responding to your feeling or BEING state. If you are in the BEing state of anger or resentment you canNOT receive or manifest love and connection. It is literally not possible as the frequencies do not match up. You could blame your spouse or you could understand and accept that you are getting exactly what you are giving energetically.

We may expect our husband to give us love and support but we are actually asking for the opposite by how we BE. We have to be willing to change our ‘in-here’ state in order for the ‘out-there’ reality to show up as we want.

Law of Attraction is at play at ALL times so to accept that you have the power to create, change and shift reality by how you BE and to be willing to BE different even in the face of what has happened, what is happening and the story you have about your partner now is to allow Law of Attraction to work for you.

  1. Examine the Story and Notice the Signal You are Sending Out

As I said you have a “story” or belief about your husband, and I know that he has given you a LOT of evidence to validate this story so it can feel very true.

When my husband, Ian and I were on the verge of divorce, I had a story that he was a reactive a-hole, and he gave me a lot of evidence including massive blow-ups, throwing his wedding ring on the floor and marching out of the house, and withdrawn, I’m a fortress behavior. As much as a I tried to get through, as much as we attempted to talk and as much as a I threatened leaving, he was just not getting it. And my story about him got even stronger – “See he is a jerk face, a-hole!”

And talking to my friends only validated my story about him. They were most keen to agree with me and to encourage me to leave, but that did not feel good. AND I also knew that I was in love with him and that there was a beautiful being within him.

So I began to really accept the idea that I was at least a little responsible for what was appearing in my life including his behavior, and I decided to really accept Law of Attraction was at play as I said in Step #1. Then I started to examine the beliefs and stories I had about him. This is Step #2.

During my worst challenge with my husband I asked myself what I was saying YES to by continuing to hold onto my story about him. I realized that this story wasn’t what I really wanted at all, but I was caught up in it and my hurt and my pain. Once I was willing to let go of that story, things changed fast AND I felt better immediately.

Consider all the stories you have about your partner. I know that the stories, beliefs and hurts we have about our partner can be doozies and it can feel like you are giving in or making this easy for him by doing this, but I know you want things to shift quickly and to truly take back your power.

With Ian, I began to see that I certainly had a clear story that he was over-reactive, angry, and mean. And I probably, had many unconscious beliefs about him, about men and even about marriage that were influencing my ‘in-here’ state that was certainly creating my ‘out- there’ reality.

Conscious and unconscious stories and beliefs are absolutely influencing us at all times AND thus creating our reality. So to make bring them into our conscious awareness is to take back our power – one by making the unexamined, now examined AND to consciously ask if this is a story we want to continue to make true.

I knew if I continue to nurse these stories about my husband, they would continue to show up and continue to be true, and that was a reality I no longer wanted.

  1. Be Clear on What You DO Want and Start Telling That Story

It’s that simple and yet, that is the BIG practice.

After I considered all the stories I had been trapped within that I knew were causing so much anger, tension and disconnect between us, I did the BOLD thing so very few people ever do – I asked myself what I really wanted AND what was really true. In other words, what story did I want to really tell and nurture?

Was it REALLY true that Ian was an over-reactive a-hole all the time? Of course not. There was a much bigger truth. He has a huge heart, is struggling with some thing and is feeling as insecure and frustrated as I am, but he wants to be in this fully.

What did I want to tell myself about him and our marriage? Could I find things to truly love and appreciate about him? I knew that the more I focused on something the bigger it became. So I looked for things to appreciate, even if they were the smallest things…

As I began to tell a different story about him and us, it created way more ease, love and even the space of forgiveness in me, which meant I was BEING different.

He felt this.

I didn’t tell him I was doing this. I just did it, but because I was consciously shifting my “in-here” state, my BEING was different and my “out-there” reality responded to this.

I no longer felt so triggered, victimized and angry. I was willing to hold a witness state AND a powerful creative state which meant I wasn’t bracing for him to have a meltdown. I was not expecting Mr.Jerkface; instead I created a space and an invitation for him to show up in his power and love. And he did.

Very shortly after I began to consciously examine my stories and shift my way of BEING, he opened up and told me how vulnerable he felt. This fear, he said, caused him to want to defend, pull away and shut down. He knew he was not showing up as the man he wanted to be or that I needed, but he had felt trapped in his fear. He was now feeling more aware and willing to work through that.

I am sure my jaw dropped. In all the years of trying to talk about it, the wasted hours of counseling of rehashing the same old shit and my prodding to get him to open up, had not worked at all. I truly believe that as I held the space for him in my mind as a loving, open and kind man, that reality slid into place. He finally got it!!

This now meant we had a common ground and a solid heart-felt connection for us to do some deep work. We began to heal the wounds between and recreating a rich marriage using a clear 7-step blueprint that I now teach and share with others.

So don’t take my word for it…try this as an experiment today. Share your experiences, comments and insight in the comments below…

Love,

Shasta

ABOUT SHASTA: Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you've been seeking. www.shastatownsend.com

Get More Relationship Support You Can Actually Use! 

Click the graphic below to get your free GIFT – How to Get Him to Get It – Three Secrets Revealed!!!

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What “fine” is costing you in your marriage

I Want It ALL

I see a lot of discussion on finding our life purpose, being of service, creating connection, and allowing for more abundance in the area of career and entrepreneurship, but not as much focus on finding that same sense of purpose, service and connection and MORE abundance in marriage.

 

Where is the cultural dialogue, the Oprah Show, the tele-seminar on creating a soul fulfilling marriage?

Have we resigned ourselves to the idea that romance is dead or that we can't have a great relationship?

Do we believe that we aren't allowed to be in love, in lust and enthralled with a man?

When did an “Ok” marriage become ok?

Perhaps connection, passion and feeling truly loved does sound like a fairy tale. 

I know I am here on planet Earth to feel alive, happy and loved, and in turn to create love, happiness and passion in others IN ALL AREAS of my life. I get it that there are ups and downs but I will not settle for mediocrity…in anything including my marriage.Maybe we feel that our marriage is “fine” or “ok” and have never even considered that it could be sensational. BUT…

Fine is costing us.

Struggle is costing us.

“Ok” is costing us as women.

I know that even one more day of NOT feeling the love and connection we long for is one more day we will never get back.

So many women tell me they feel a widening distance between them and their spouse, and that they don’t have a clue how to close the distance in their relationship. They feel a growing sense of misunderstanding, isolation and loneliness. They may have a good friendship or parent well together, but they long for a more satisfying romance, a relationship that meets them in their heart and uplifts their mind, and a little bit of great sex now and again would be just dandy too!

They want a soul fulfilling relationship but are not sure if that is even possible, never mind how to create it. So they suffer alone for now perhaps with one foot out the door waiting for the kids to grow so they can leave and start a love life that feels passionate, rich and deeply satisfying. There is a little hole in their heart.


And this hole is costly.

Unsatisfying and frustrating relationships create a huge and often unconscious drain on your mental energy, physical health and financial success.

Fear and loneliness take its toll on your precious energy reserves and on your time. Consider what sleepless nights, worry and anxiety mean to your overall health. Arguments, withheld desires, and sadness are held like heavy anchors in the body that could manifest in disease.

Consider what lost time, energy and resources your mental anguish is costing you in your career. What creative or world changing endeavor could you be focused on as a woman or as a couple?


As an entrepreneur or business leader, consider what lost energy is costing you financially. Having increased energy will help you attract more clients which will help you make more money. As an employee, your distraction may be costing you a promotion or income advancement.

Consider the years of your life that are slipping away in a marriage that is less than satisfying. If you looked back twenty years from now, what would you want that for yourself NOW?

Consider also what a separation or divorce would cost you in terms of your mental and physical health not to mention purely financial. The minimum estimated cost of divorce in legal fees alone is between $15,000 and $30,000. And consider the bigger effects it would have on your children or your family. What would losing your best friend mean to your happiness overall?

What would even one more month or year of living in dissatisfaction cost you?  OK is not ok! That's why I am so passionate about sharing the mindset shifts, spiritual wisdoms & Universal Laws as well as practical tools and just plain common sense stuff of creating relationship magic. I want it all, and you can too!

What would a rich and satisfying relationship be worth to you?
DSC_2662Big love,

Shasta
ABOUT SHASTA: Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you've been seeking. www.shastatownsend.com

Get More Relationship Support You Can Actually Use! 

Click the graphic below to get your free GIFT – How to Get Him to Get It – Three Secrets Revealed!!!

Shasta_2

Is my husband even my soulmate?

You love him. You married him. He is a great father. He might even be a good friend, but you wonder: “Is he the one? Is he my soulmate?”.

It's not that you would dream of another man, yet, but there is something MORE you are seeking.

You may have tried to talk to him about your desire for deeper connection, for a little more compassion and understanding and heck, even a bit more sex with some real passion would be nice, but he's not quite getting it. (He's up for more sex though.)

You see friends on Facebook who have the sort of relationship you think is possible and they inspire you as well as cause moments envy, but at least you know it is possible. So it leaves you wondering: “How do I get THAT?”

ian.shasta.editruckusThere is within all of us a longing for deep love and soulful connection. We have a desire to be on fire with joy, passion and knowingness. We want a true partner in life and in body and spirit too.

Many women I speak with talk about wanting a spiritual connection with their spouse, and express the sadness and loneliness they feel at times inside their own marriage.

I get it. Been there!

 

Men want this too, though it is the rare one who will say it in those words. Chances are your husband wants what you want. So what to do?

Creating Soul Connection

Though there really are poor matches, let's assume that your spouse is actually a good match for you, here are some ways to cultivate connection with him without getting him to change every darn thing about himself:

Compassion – See The Bigger Picture About Men

There are a lot of cultural imperatives why men don't express a need for deep connection (other than sexually) so don't be too hard on him if he is not asking you how you feel, what your heart longs for and what you dream about. There are men who are amazing communicators and who are totally in touch with their own heart, but many men are learning that it's actually safe to FEEL.  They may have been belittled, bullied, chastised and maybe even beaten in the past when they showed sensitivity, emotion or vulnerability so it is SCARY.

Also, consider that men have very few models of open, loving masculine behaviour.  What is the current model for a great husband?  A great lover?  An open-hearted and yet still strong man?  Maybe Will Smith. I can't actually think of someone else right now. Though there are amazing men doing amazing things, there are a lot of models of what NOT to do in mainstream culture. And most of us learn behavior by modelling what we see. So consider that in our culture, and maybe in his family he may not see a lot of great models.  So he's trying to figure it out.

Celebrate – Reinforce What You Want

We are usually pretty good at reinforcing what we DON'T want.  I am guilty of this too. But when someone just keeps telling us what we do wrong, we start to feel that we are wrong, and we can't do anything right. Most humans respond by either passivity (fuck it, I can't do anything right so why try), passive aggression (I'm not going to go to that class with her because I can't do anything right anyway but I won't tell her how I feel), or outright aggression (I'm such an asshole all the time aren't I. Just go to class with your perfect Yoga guys.)

I'm not suggesting that you don't ask for things or give feedback, but I am suggesting that you try reinforcing, celebrating, noticing, applauding and making a big hairy deal about the things you see your husband do, say, be and become that are meaningful.  He will love this and will do more of it. It's just human nature to seek out praise. You aren't doing it to be manipulative but to actually express gratitude, love and it feels better to celebrate than complain.

My husband was recently struggling with some family dynamic stuff. I reinforced how good he was at setting boundaries, at speaking his needs and how he had gotten so much better at staying calm.  There were a few things that I may have done differently but he needed my positive feedback and support. This was also a vote of confident that he was doing some things well which gave him momentum and confidence.

Because he did not feel judged by me, he asked for my feedback and advice on how to handle the stuff he found challenging. We had a lovely conversation about “ancestral energy” and how to heal it. This conversation would have never taken place if I had said, “You know you could use Shamanistic stalking methods to clear your family patterns and finally be free. You aren't doing this right.”

Communicate – Know Your Audience  

Yup, just as you would not try speaking Spanish to German-only speaking people, don't try to speak
“spiritual” to your partner if he doesn't have a clue what you are saying. It only makes him feel stupid, not enough, and alone. He won't say that to you, but chances are he is terrified of the distance between the two of you too.  Instead of picking up a guide book on how-to speak your language he probably gets defensive, flip, sarcastic or dismissive. He makes fun of your passion for Yoga. He jokes about your “cult”, etc, etc.  It is just a coping mechanism. Yes, it's asshole behaviour but see it for what it is: FEAR.

Though he needs to learn to manage his own fear, when we see it for what it is it means we don't have to react so harshly. We can have compassion.

Does this mean you can't share your deeper insight, evolutions and passion?

Of course not, but consider his perspective. In the above example, if I had told Ian that I could teach him Shamanistic techniques to “stalk” out the dark energy of his ancestors (and he is a super open guy), he would have been like, “OK, witchy woman. No thanks.”

I had to allow him to have his journey and give him support and applause in ways that made sense for HIM. This created a space between us that allowed for connection and a deeper conversation which lead to me teaching him Shamanistic techniques to “stalk” out the dark energy of his ancestors. Cool, eh!

I flounder at times too but by applying these practices, I literally fell in love with my husband again and it feels wonderful. I have my soulmate back so to speak.  Try it out and let me know how it goes in the comments below or in the Happy, Sexy, Shameless Facebook community.

Your dedication to great love and compassionate relationship is literally changing the world! Keep it up and know we are all in this together.
Big love,

Shasta

ABOUT SHASTA: Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend is your “marriage mechanic” who helps you manifest your relationship dream by teaching you how to apply Universal Laws to create a rich and satisfying relationship, no matter what AND the practical day-to-day tools that can change everything! Shasta is one of the first teachers to combine the teachings of Quantum Physics, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Psychology and good old common sense in the area of marriage, love and intimacy. Her many student’s success speak to the power of her work, and her own story is one of amazing “miracles”. She is here as the helping hand you've been seeking. www.shastatownsend.com

Get More Relationship Support You Can Actually Use! 

Click the graphic below to get your free GIFT – How to Get Him to Get It – Three Secrets Revealed!!!

Shasta_2