I Turned 45! – My 5 Biggest Life Lessons {what I’d tell 20-year-old me}

I turned 45 this week!

At what is probably the mid-way point through my life, I share the 5 BIG Life Lessons the 45-year-old me would have told my 20-year-old self.

No same-old, same-old platitudes. No clichés. No airy-fairy talk.

My 5 Biggest Life Lessons – A Note to My 20-Year-Old Self:

#5. Snowshoe Secrets – How to Guarantee Success, Fast

Pay attention to snowshoe lessons, Shasta…When snowshoeing, following in the tracks of someone ahead of you makes things so much easier. The same is true in life.

Following a mentor – someone who as does the thing you wish to do and is ahead of you on the trail – is the fastest way to shorten time, effort and struggle, and ensure success.

Always seek out, engage and hire mentors!

Now at 45, I see that having a great mentor has meant quantum leaps in my career, my income, my business and my marriage. In fact, they’ve helped me create bigger success than I could have imagined at 20.

And, honestly, I am not that patient so having a mentor has meant less time wasted on “trial and error” or “figuring it out myself”.  YAY!!

#4. Take the Bloody Trip! – It’s the Things You DON’T Do That You Will Regret

I would tell my 20-year-old self that it’s the things SHE DID NOT DO that she will REGRET THE MOST, including:

  • I regret NOT taking the trip Mardi Gras in New Orleans with my friends when I was 2o. I still have not been!
  • I regret NOT going the White House and meeting President Clinton that I turned down and worked instead. WTF was I thinking?
  • I regret not telling my husband Ian, that I loved him sooner. I tell him every day now!

It’s the things I did NOT do that I regret the most, and that’s not happening again.  Now, if I have a chance to travel, meet someone famous, have an adventure or tell someone I love them, I JUMP on that! 

I am also so grateful to create amazing experiences and transformational retreats with my husband Ian, that literally hundreds of people have joined us on over the years.    We have 4 rooms for Tuscany, just saying! www.shastatownsend.com/italy

#3. Speak Up! – Have the Courage to Ask but Don’t Be A Jerk About It

The courage to ask…“Women don’t ask, aren’t seen and don’t have ambition/desire/passion!”,  these were false beliefs that my 20-year-old battled with internally.

I often made myself wrong for wanting more, speaking up, being assertive, passionate, clear and demanding.

Or, I would dodge “awkward” conversations to avoid rocking the boat, and then things would blow up – in my business, marriage, bank account and self.

One the most important things I have learned is have the COURAGE to ask, and the skills to do it well, including:

  • How to get clear on what I desire.
  • How to “own” that desire.
  • How to ask for it in a powerful way – not an entitled, apologetic or confusing way. In other words, how to NOT be a jerk.
  • Learning how to RECEIVE.
  • Learning how to collaborate and make it win-win in every relationship and situation.

#2. You are Loved – No Need to PROVE IT!

My 20-year-old-self thought she had to constantly prove herself.

I was the classic over-achiever – over doing, over delivering, and over YES’ing my way through life so that people would see how “good” I was.

I would tell my 20-year-old self that she was SO LOVED, and lovable, and that she did not need to “get that” from others or prove it.   Sometimes I just visualize myself at 20 and give me a big hug.

I also accepted relationships that were toxic and not loving. Now, I am such a huge proponent of creating and maintaining amazing relationships. I learned how to be a BETTER person to myself, and everyone, and that’s a huge lesson I am so grateful for.

Love was always present in my life, but my 45-year-old self is much more open to receiving it and flowing it!

 #1. It’s Work AS Play

Growing up in a family that struggled with everything, and living in a culture where we are taught to “work hard” to prove our worthiness, I have been detoxing “the life is hard” paradigm for 20+ years.

I have invested in learning the skills of instant manifestation, personal responsibility, quantum creation and universal laws – which work 100% of the time – but there are times I am still surprised how good, fast and FUN things can be. 

I would tell my 20-year old self just how powerful she is AND how Life is about Cit and Ananda – the Truth and the Sweetness – and not just hard work and struggle.

Yes, you are here to grow, learn and create but it is also meant to be fun, delicious and easeful. And, you get to DECIDE what life FEELS like by your internal choices about what is happening.

I look forward to writing a letter to my 45-year-old self, 25 years from now, and plan to take more risks, more trips, make love more often, and have more fun while creating, serving and becoming at an even bigger scale. Now for cake!!

What would you tell your 20-year-old self???

Much love,


P.S. My focus for the next couple weeks is going to be all about creating amazing relationships so watch for emails and offerings from me on a new course and a special offer that’s all about getting what you want – in love, marriage, your career/business and creating an amazing life now and for the next 4o years!!