I use to think I just needed to leave the past behind me.
I spent over 24 years creating my life in spite of my own past.
I was a “Survivor” of an abusive childhood with no money, little love and lots of fear.
“The Survivor” is applauded in our culture. We love them and for good reason. There is power in “the Underdog”, the David and Goliath symbol and the Phoenix.
It is inspiring to see people triumph despite the circumstances in their life. It shows us the power of the human spirit and will, and it reminds us not dwell in the hurt, betrayal and victimization…that we have all experienced in our journey.
But perhaps there is a deeper aspect to this.
Look to Your Past to Create Your Future – Not In The Way You Think
I created “success’ in my life in spite of my family, my childhood, my sad story…but…
It’s not that I had a chip on my shoulder more like I felt like I was fighting against everything to PROVE that I was not like my family.
This created a lot of resistance and sets up a “me versus them” energy which means wholeness can’t happen. It’s defiance.
Anything that we have a defiance against means that it has power over us.
It also means that there is a level of hurt that is casting a shadow in our life even if we can’t see it.
For me that shadow would arise in my reactions to others who in my opinion were not trying to “create more”.
I would feel triggered by “victims”. I always felt confused that people would choose to stay in circumstances, as my mother did, that were not loving or powerful.
I didn’t see that I was in a huge state of judgment.
Then I decided that maybe, just maybe I was so clear and “successful” in my life BECAUSE of my past and not in spite of it.
It’s a small shift in perspective – going from “in spite of” to “because of”.
“Because of” means that we integrate what has happened. We see all the pain, abuse, sadness as a way for us to actually become MORE.
For example, in my journey I grew up with a mentally and physically abusive stepfather and a mother who in my perspective did nothing to protect my sister and I.
I decided at a young age that no one would ever treat me that way again – especially men.
I was going to “break” the family pattern and create a loving and successful marriage DESPITE my mother, my abusive stepfather and my family heritage…but perhaps I created a loving marriage BECAUSE of my experiences.
“Because of” meaning those experiences helped me have a strong awareness of what I did want in my life and what I would not tolerate.
That is a major gift! My parents gave me the gift of knowing what I do not want in a strong way.
Because of those experiences I have a level of clarity that is unshakeable, and I also have a confidence in myself to create them.
Because I did not have the parents who could guide me on my journey into powerful creation I had to learn to create that myself.
It is small but significant shift in our mind – to consider what we are creating BECAUSE of our past rather than IN SPITE of it.
It takes us out of reaction mode, out of victim mode and allows us to see the past as a means of revelation instead of pain.
I am not saying that our experiences are not painful or that we should deny the sadness, anger or mourning that come with them. It is important to feel those emotions as part of the healing, but it is also important to welcome that as an awareness of what you do want.
Perhaps it is not so much leaving the past behind you but actually having an appreciation for it…and seeing how it all lead you from “low rent” duplexes to 5-star hotel rooms!
Learn more at www.shastatownsend.com