Category Archives: It’s All Relationship

that time I almost blew up my life

“if you don’t face this, you will blow up your life.”

Words from a mentor earlier this year…#damnit

After #metoo, other events in the wider culture and some breakdowns in my own life, it was clear that I had some things to face.

Because…

  • Even though I had a best-selling book and successful businesses, I still felt “blocked” and frustrated – there was more, but what was it?

  • Even though I had a solid marriage and a good sex life, I was unconsciously holding onto anger and resentment toward men from my own past trauma, and I built walls with my husband that were slowly killing my marriage.
  • Even though I thought I was a confident woman, I was ashamed, at times, of my own clarity and sensuality and felt I should “shut it down” because I was “too much”.
  • Even though I knew my Purpose was to help women (and men) live without sacrifice, I was being polite and not owning all of it – especially the sensuality piece – because I feared judgment from the business community.

So, I dove in…

I knew I had an opportunity to break through, release and transform what deep down needed to be part of my evolutionary journey.

Which brings me to this moment…

Cracks continue to appear in “the foundations” within us and around us, and we have ever clearer choices on how we want to respond.

I am clear on how I want to respond…#nomorehiding

I wish to channel this through my heart in productive ways.

I know that healing the shame-filled, guilt-ridden and “hidden” within us is essential…and it can actually happen with ease and grace, and a few laughs, especially with the right support.

And it’s good for business!

In fact, I challenge the business masks and belief that we must separate aspects of our life and self –
that false belief that success in business/career has nothing to do with our sensuality, our relationship and our well-being.

This is one of the reasons why my husband, Ian, and I have launched:

>> Sexellence Podcast:
Your, Not So Dirty Secret to Great Sex and a Good Life <<<

We provide a place for the deeper conversation about sensuality, intimacy and connection…which are essential to abiding joy, financial success and self-expression whether you are in a couple or NOT!

In fact, reclaiming the gift of sensuality is the great secret to success and happiness that almost no one talks about. We do!

I’m hoping that if you are here you are also interested in creating more success, happiness and FUN in your life…and maybe, you just might be open to this kind of content…

If so:

>> Please check it out, Subscribe and leave a Review on iTunes 

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/sexellence-podcast/id1481598263

>> or Android http://sexellencepodcast.libsyn.com

Share the Love – If you have a friend who could benefit, I appreciate you having the courage to pass on this email. Just forward this email. They might resonate with my message too. I’m Grateful.

That’s my authentic share, and why I have been a little quiet lately.

I am always dedicated to “walking the talk” and wanted to dive deep myself…I am feeling much better now 😉

I am thankful for your relationship, and I’d love to hear your thoughts…

  • Does “my share” resonate with you?
  • What questions, challenges or situations do you struggle with?
  • Are the “usual” things not working?

  • What would you like to hear more about?

There’s 5 Sexellence episodes for you to binge listen to including:

Ep.1.            What is Sexellence + Why Sex Matters 

Ep.2.            Til Sex Do Us Part – How to Overcome Dry Spells + Disconnection

Ep.3.            Amplifying Desire – Exposing Internal Blocks to Great Sex

Ep.4             Bedroom Boredom – Firing Up Passion Again

Ep.5.            Technique Doesn’t Matter – 5 Things MEN Must Do for Explosive Results

my secret bank account [trigger warning]

At one point in my marriage I had a secret bank account with over $40,000 in it.

My husband, Ian, had no idea.

I believed I always needed an “escape plan”.

And, money was a contentious issue in our marriage, combined with the fact that neither Ian or I had any idea how to talk about it without a massive blow out.

I am NOT saying that a girl should not be financially secure, in fact I am a huge advocate for every single woman having access to her own money, but for me, that secret bank account was – well a secret – that was coming out of fear, mistrust and anxiety.

And living with secrets really SUCKS.

I did come clean and tell Ian about that bank account and in fact we used it as a down payment on a house…a way better investment…

but it showed me where I had some major fear, shame and mistrust when it came to money, men and marriage, and that I needed to learn how to talk about money.

Healing that and learning those skills was one of THE MOST POWERFUL things I have done for myself and my marriage.

Ian and I now talk about money with ease and grace, and more importantly there are no secrets or lies.

We are on the same page which feels amazing.

Money is a charged topic in our world and in marriage, and most of us never learned how to make peace with money and certainly never learned how to talk about it.

Money is the #1 cause of divorce, and overall stress.

This has to change, and I believe it’s essential that we don’t pass on these horrible habits to our kids.

We have to be the one to say this shit stops here!

You can…

This is a personal invite to join myself, and Ian on an 8-week journey in the How to Talk About Money, Sex and the Kids Without a Fight Program.

 

ü Imagine NOT having any shame, secrets, awkwardness or        resentment when it comes to money…in your marriage or any area of your life.

ü Imagine feeling confident, clear about money (sex, the kids and other “charged”) topic without feeling awkward or having secrets.

ü Imagine knowing how to ask for what you want, and actually get it – without manipulation, massive meltdowns or making yourself small!

We Know This Works

We want as many people taking this training because we know it works, and it literally changed everything for us.

We now have a rock-solid marriage, sensational sex life and we became self-made millionaires – because we were ON THE SAME PAGE and there are no more secrets.

We have a shared vision, plan and are actually living our dreams together, without secrets.

 

We have Early Bird pricing on right now – save $1,000!!!!!!! (only until July 31, 2019)

 

This is NOT A COUPLES COURSE

It’s a get what you want course…and learn the compassionate skills to do so.

Because YOU, can be the one who takes the leadership and love in your marriage and any relationship!

Join us NOW.

We begin August 1, 2019…and in 8 weeks your money life could be drastically improved…

Imagine this autumn being a time of true abundance, ease and joy!!

We look forward to working with you soon.

Much love,

Shasta + Ian

P.S.  Check out all the details for How to Talk About Money, Sex and the Kids Without a Fight NOW 

tale of people pleaser + the responsible one – What role do you play?

“Just let me help you.”

I could see his frustration and annoyance with me, but felt paralyzed to do anything.

“I don’t need your help,” I said.

“I am more than capable. Besides why would you want to help me?”

This was a conversation between Ian, my husband, and I nearly 20 years ago, but is illustrates the roles we fell into in our marriage and our business that nearly destroyed both.

We all have “roles” and patterns we fall into that we have been in since childhood.

We think it’s “who we are”, but the truth is we have created them to navigate life, especially early life where they did serve us to some degree, and then they actually become major roadblocks in our life.

The Responsible One

I was often in the “The Responsible One” role. I was the go-to girl and would actually unconsciously create situations where I could be the hero, and be “on my own.”

I would not ask or accept help which would result in overwhelm, burn out and resentment at work and at home. I was more comfortable being self-reliant, and alone than in relationship. TRUST ISSUES!!!!

It also meant I would over-work, over-do and over-think and place work above all else in my life. I had little time for vacation, play, sex or connection, but it was a role I had been familiar with since I was a child. 

The People Pleaser

For Ian, his pattern was “The People Pleaser”.

Even if he wanted to say no, he would say yes. He was the guy that would do anything for anyone.

This meant over-committing to people and things and not honouring himself. BOUNDARY ISSUES!!!

Ian said: “I was always doing something for someone in an effort to feel loved and valued. But it was a false sense of value. It was based on the belief that I was lovable only if I was working hard or struggling – usually for someone else. 

Finally, I got to a place where I couldn’t win. I ran out of time, energy and my body was breaking down, as well as my marriage.”

Of course, we were the perfect toxic match and brewing storm. 

Sound familiar?

There are more roles and patterns than just these two such as The Martyr, The Clown, The Princess/Prince, and many more. 

How do we recognize what role we are in, and break out? 

Ian and I recently spoke to dating expert, Lanna Dang on roles and patterns and how they affect everything from our sex life to the money flowing into the bank account.

You can learn how they show up in your life, and what do about them before it is too late. 

Yes, we guarantee there are roles that are playing out in all areas of your life…

You can sign up for Lanna’s Winning the Game of Love FREE summit, and hear from us and other relationship teachers. Sign up now.

the toxic Masculine in love {self-evaluation included}

“I can’t f&cking win!”

Have you ever caught yourself saying these words?

I sure have!

As a man who grew up “hardened” away from emotional sharing, I found it easier to get angry and identify with the Imbalanced Masculine side (self-evaluation graphic below).

It was an excuse to not be open or fully commit to my partner and be in an honest, co-creative relationship.

The Toxic Masculine would show up in me as:

  • Losing my cool and saying things I didn’t mean.
  • Not talking for days and literally “stone-walling” Shasta and others.
  • Feeling alone and like the whole world was on my shoulders.
  • Holding onto things from long ago – things that were said in the past and yet, I still “nursed” those old wounds.

Do any of these sound familiar?

The Imbalanced or Toxic Masculine in Love.

I learned and am still learning to break through these and take deep responsibility for myself as a man, a husband and a creator in the world.

My past is not something that I am proud of but it’s no longer something I am willing to shame myself about either.

It has helped me get to where I am today, and be in the relationship I am in with Shasta, and doing this work in the world now for men and women.

I use those experiences to be a more compassionate and loving husband, friend and leader.

Though our partner, employees/colleagues or family can challenge us in relationship, we must take the responsibility to look at the wounded places within us and stop the cycle of blame and victimization.

Last week Shasta shared her experience and the self-assessment for the Toxic or Imbalanced Feminine in Love. To read that again check it out now.

Again, these patterns can show up in women or men though men tend to display more of the Toxic Masculine and women more of the Toxic Feminine because of cultural conditioning.

Take a moment and honestly reflect if any of these patterns are within…no shame or guilt.

Man or Woman – Break Through the Toxic Patterns
If you want one-on-one support to create the results you long for in all areas of your life and want to heal these things FAST, then please reach out. Book a confidential call at https://go.oncehub.com/ShastaTownsend

toxic feminine in love (man or woman)…is this you?

Whether you are a man or woman…understanding the Imbalanced or Toxic Feminine (and Masculine) is essential on our path of self-empowerment and loving relationship with yourself and others, and especially your lover.

The Toxic or Imbalanced Feminine is extremely prevalent in our culture right now.

Though the Imbalanced Feminine is often ascribed to women, men can have these patterns too.

I created a brief overview on how this imbalance can show up in Love / relationships…

Take a moment and honestly reflect if any of these patterns are within…no shame or guilt.

The first step in any healing or transmutation is our willingness to actually look at this “imbalance” within us.

As a self-proclaimed “independent” woman, Love and intimacy has been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life.

It has required me to look at the imbalances or toxic patterns I have around men, sex and relationship including:

  • The ways I armour myself.
  • I don’t ask for what I want or need.
  • I just “do it myself” and then feel resentful.
  • And even latent anger I hold against the Masculine. “Don’t fucking talk to me that way!”

It is not a pretty side of myself, and yet it is also a beautiful opportunity to transmute this into something powerful, and no longer be the victim of past abuses, neglect or fear.

What are your aha’s or thoughts??

Healing the Imbalanced Feminine – Invitation + Opportunity

If you want to learn more and learn how to heal this at an even deeper level I have a special LIVE offering for those living in the Greater Toronto Area.

I am leading a 4-week live “beta test” of a new offering called Hacking The Mythic Woman.

I’m bringing together the latest in neuroscience, quantum physics, spiritual laws, body wisdom AND ancient myths to help you Hack the Mythic Woman within and create success with more ease and grace than ever before.

You will breakthrough into amazing results in income, relationship, confidence and clarity thanks to a unique combination of storytelling, scientific-based mind mastery and body movement as well as group coaching.

These teachings are for women, at any age and any stage, who are ready to learn the tools, practices and mind mastery techniques from a feminine perspective.

Register now

Want One-On-One Support
And as always if you want one-on-one support to create the results you long for in all areas of your life and want to heal these things FAST, then please reach out.

Book a confidential call at https://go.oncehub.com/ShastaTownsend